Top 10 Safety Tips for Online Dating

It may seem like dating online is as safe as dating can get. Unfortunately, the all-important trait of “common sense” often gets thrown out the window in online dating because that buffer of cyberspace is there to give you a false sense of safety. It’s easy to feel like you’ve made instant connections with people, but remember that you’ve only just met. Go slow. Listen to your gut. Always keep the following, important safety tips at the front of your mind.

1. Value and Protect Your Anonymity. Until you feel comfortable and safe enough with someone you’ve met online, do not feel obligated to reveal personal details. Never give out your last name, home address, or place of business. Set up an email account with an ambiguous email address, or use your online dating service’s secure, internal email system that allows you to communicate with complete anonymity. Also choose a non-identifiable screen name. Don’t share your home phone number since this is easily linked to your home address. Stick with a cell phone or public phones and, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your phone number at all, ask for theirs instead and dial *67 before dialing to block caller ID.
2. Research Yourself. Chances are, there is some identifying information about you out there in cyberspace. Type your name into online search engines to see what pops up and if any of this information offers personal details about you that an online stranger doesn’t need to know. Delete or change identifying details before you begin online dating and certainly before you give out your full name to anyone online.
3. Stay Alert for Red Flags. You may be looking for love, but there are some online daters whose agendas are less than genuine. Think twice about daters who are pushy about meeting immediately in person, make demeaning or inappropriate remarks, refuse to share photos, and avoid phone contact or answering direct questions, especially about subjects that are important to you. Once you meet in person, be wary if the person is nothing like the way they described themselves in their online profile or if they exhibit physically inappropriate or unwanted behavior toward you or others.
4. Beware of Fakes. It’s simple to falsify an online dating profile. Some people can and do create personas different from who they really are, finding pleasure in acting out a part or having every intention of preying on unwary and naïve online daters. There are genuine people dating online, but for every one of them there is one whose motives are not so pure. Watch for inconsistencies in personal information, particularly marital status, children, employment, age, education, career, living situation, and even stories they tell you about growing up.
5. Take It Slow. It can feel like you know someone inside and out when you’ve been communicating for a while online, but the truth is that you don’t really know them at all. Don’t be deceived by sweet talk or someone who is too good to be true – and don’t be conned into giving out more information about yourself than is necessary until you’re absolutely ready. Take your time, enjoy the convenience that the many communication methods available today provide, but don’t rush into anything that makes you uncomfortable or alters the comfort-level and pacing that you’ve set for yourself.
6. Choose Your Words Carefully. It’s perfectly fine to flirt online but watch your boundaries. Some people may take your meaning the wrong way and either be insulted or infer that you’re looking for sex. Keep your screen name clean – otherwise you court the wrong kind of attention.
7. Be Realistic. The only details you know about a person you have met online are what they have deigned to share with you. Though it may feel like you’ve “known each other forever,” you are not in a relationship. Stop yourself before you start imagining those long walks on the beach or a fairytale wedding. There are many people whose true lovebegan with online dating, but there are also people who have been sorely disappointed to find out the one they’ve had their heart set on is married or worse. Don’t pin all your hopes on one person and keep your expectations in check. Enjoy the pre-attraction stage, the getting to know you through emails and chat and phone calls. The real deal is when you meet in person and chemistry comes into play.
8. Don’t Date in Secret. When you decide to meet someone face-to-face, always inform a friend or family member. Let them know exactly where you’re going, what time you will be back, and give them some identifying details about the person you’ll be meeting. Have your cell phone with you and make sure it’s charged – if you don’t have one, borrow a phone or buy a pay-as-you go phone at a discount store. Never agree to be picked up at your home and never agree to meet the other person at their home. Always find your own transportation to and from the date and only meet for your first date in a public place.
9. Watch What You Drink. Pay attention to the non-verbal clues that your date gives off and allow yourself to clearly determine if there is a mutual attraction. Alcohol affects your judgment and lessens your inhibitions as well, so when you’re on your first date don’t drink too much, if you drink at all. Not to mention, staying sober and alert will keep your senses sharp and not have you tangled up in any unwanted, compromising, or dangerous situations.
10. Go With Your Gut. If something doesn’t feel right to you about another online dater – whether online or in person – it probably isn’t. You don’t have to make any apologies about leaving immediately when you meet on a first date if you feel like the person is a danger to you in any way. Your safety is what matters. It’s not necessary to be paranoid about every date you may go on, but never assume that someone is safe just because they claim to be religious or a gentleman.

While you may think that some of these online dating precautions seem silly, it is always wise to take simple steps to ensure your safety until you’re completely comfortable. There is no substitute for being cautious about interacting with any stranger who wants to meet you.

Always remember that you’re in charge of your online dating adventure. You don’t have to meet everyone you communicate with. You can politely say, “No, thank you” at any point. In the online dating environment, you are empowered to make all the choices that are right for you.